The niKETO community is made up of some of the most wonderful people from around the world, and our readers love to keep us entertained. Of course we get to hear the most incredible success stories, and we have the privilege of receiving tons of amazing recipes our low-carb readers send in. But we especially love the funny keto stories that people from all over the country send to us.
We’ve been selfishly enjoying and relating to these amusing tales for far too long, it’s time we share them.
Please enjoy our five favorite, user-submitted, low-carb diet stories. We hope you like them as much as we do.
1. THE URINE STRIPS
Ok, I just read your post for testing to see if you’re in keto and the part about the keto strips had me dying all over again, it reminded me of my first experience with them. I finally found the ketone strips I was looking for and they were $15! As a brokeish college guy, I couldn’t believe they were that much. But I had just decided to dedicate to keto to burn of my freshman forty (I know it’s usually the fresh 15, but not for me). I bit the bullet and got the bottle. It had 100 strips so I figured it would be worth it.
I’m from Sacramento and go to Sac state so my parents are close by and my mom, who wanted to lose weight too, said she would try low-carb with me...misery loves company and all. I told her how to eat and how it would take about a week to get into keto and that we could be sure using these strips. So I bring the bottle home at a time when she was out of the house. I leave the bottle and go to class, deciding I’ll come back for dinner and I can show her how to test and we can see if we are both in ketosis.
Well I come home that night, we have dinner and my mom says, “I did the keto test thing but I don’t understand the results.” After dinner I ask her to show me the strip and she takes me into the bathroom. She points to the bottle that has a color scale on the side so you can compare the strip to the color and see just how deep into keto you are and she says, “the color hasn’t moved.” I tell her to show me the tester and she hands me the bottle. “Mom, did you put it back inside with the fresh strips?!” It was worse, she popped the top on the bottle, filled the bottle with urine and closed the top. She thought the bottle was the test. All 100 strips ruined and $15 gone.
Thank you, Mike S., for the chuckle.
If you’re curious about the article on niKETO that sparked Mike’s hilarious memory, click here.
And if you’re thinking of using the keto test strips, you can get them HERE for much cheaper.
2. FIRST DATE
I’m right at the thirty days point where you stop craving carbs and sugar and start to feel all the energy and good stuff from keto when I get asked out on a
date. He’s awesome so it’s an immediate yes! I was so excited about the date that weekend that I didn’t mention anything about being on a special carb restricted diet. I’d been kinda keeping it to myself anyway because it always seems like when I tell people I’m dieting they wave cupcakes in front of my face and think it’s funny.
Anyway, the weekend finally arrives, he picks me up and tells me he has an awesome night planned, including a fancy dinner at his uncle’s ITALIAN RESTAURANT! I don’t know why I froze up, part of me felt guilty and stupid for not mentioning keto earlier in the week or when he originally asked me out. Now it was too late, we were on our way to carb central. I’m trying to do the whole first date flirty chit chat thing while inside my head I’m scanning what I can possibly eat at an Italian joint. He’s talking about wine and homemade noodles and I’m thinking salad and lemon water.
We get there and it’s beautiful: table cloths, candles dripping on old Chianti bottles in the middle of the table. His uncle gives us a corner booth and now I’m in full panic mode. What’s the sane person thing to do right now? Either admit I’m on a no carb diet and can’t eat pasta or just treat it as one cheat meal and recover from it by being an extra good ketoer the rest of the weekend. But what did I do? He asked me what I wanted to try and I pretended my stomach hurt and told him I had to go home.
I spent all week excited and getting ready for my date only to end up home thirty-five minutes after he picked me up because I was too embarrassed to fess up about not wanting to break the diet I never told him about.
Note: we asked Paige for a follow up and she told us she has since gone out with the guy again and told him she was on a low-carb diet, but still hasn’t admitted to him that on date number one she faked sick.
Thank you, Paige K. for a story so cringy, it’s funny.
Please don’t find yourself in Paige’s situation, read this on how to bounce back from a cheat day and save yourself the trouble.
[Trevor wrote us in reference to this article about non-scale victories]
Yeah, but I have a half non-scale victory, half non-scale fail to share. I was doing keto for 6 months and I’d been running for 5 months and doing some weight training for the last 3 and a half. I dropped 8 pounds right away but could not get my scale to move more than a few pounds in either direction. I wasn’t losing the weight. I ran more, I re-did the macro calculator, I made sure I was eating the right food, not too much protein and the scale wasn’t moving.
That’s why I started weight lifting, because I wasn’t losing weight. I was doing keto, running 3 days a week and lifting weights the other 3 nights a week. No weight loss, I could see my arms toning up and my chest change shape but I was convinced I wasn’t losing fat. Only reason I stayed on keto was the energy and I liked eating more meat and cheeses, it’s a great excuse to eat grease. I thought I was still the fat guy I started out as, only now with a little more muscle.
Then I have a wedding I have to go to and I’m a little bummed because I still look kinda the same as the last time all these people saw me years ago. Oh well. Saturday comes around, I dig around in the back of my closet and get my one suit, I’m in I.T. so I wear cargos to work. I put it on and I am swimming in this thing. I’m like a little kid wearing his dad’s suit. It was so loose I looked like an idiot. I weighed myself and it was the same but my good old suit was saying something totally different. And I guess when you lose a lot of weight, when it comes of gradually like that, you don’t notice it since you see yourself every day. Someone told me it’s a psychological thing.
Anyhow, I had to wear a giant over-sized suit to a friend’s wedding because I didn’t believe I lost weight. So half win, half fail. I looked stupid but felt good and I must have told every person at the wedding why I looked like Dum-Dum the lawyer clown.
As funny as Trevor's situation was, it's not that unusual! If you think you're in a plateau, use a measuring tape in addition to the scale to track your progress.
Check out the non-scale victory post that prompted Trevor to tell us his story.
4. DEATH BREATH
I was in that adjustment phase before your body kinda figures everything out and corrects itself. I was groggy and cranky, and I had the worst breath ever but I didn’t know it until this happened.
It started with an angry email from my Section Head saying we’d been bumped from meeting room 1, and room 2 was already booked. That meant we were in meeting room 3, the smallest meeting room, 200 square feet and the only window, facing out to the hallway, doesn't open.
2 o’clock rolls around, only 90 minutes after I eat my keto lunch of salami and cheese; I pop a peppermint into my mouth and head to meeting room 3.
11 people eventually file in and we start. When it comes around to me to talk I give my record and I start to notice people putting their fingers under their noses or making faces then suddenly my boss says “hold on.” He props the door open and I continue. When the meeting is over my boss comes to me and says, “can you call facilities and ask them to check the a/c duct? I think another pigeon might be dead in there. It smelled awful!”
I didn’t smell anything but I agree.
I’m headed back to my office to make the call when my friend stops me and takes me aside. “Don’t call facilities, that smell wasn’t a dead pigeon," she says. "It’s your breath.”
“It can’t be, I had a mint.” She tells me to scrape my fingernail on the back of my tongue and smell it. I don’t know what a dead pigeon smells like but I do know it wasn’t a dead pigeon that stunk the room out, it was my keto breath topped off with my coffee, salami, and cheese lunch. I should have known no mere peppermint stood a chance against that!
I wanted to die.
Thank you, Juile A., for letting us laugh with your pain.
Keto breath is real! Here is our recommendation for how to avoid it.
5. MEET THE FOLKS
I started keto about halfway through our relationship. We were six months in by this point ,so about 3 months ago I had started the keto diet. He was very supportive but couldn’t join me in keto even though that would have made it so much easier. But I’m losing that holiday pudge and getting back in the pool and feeling energetic so I manage to stay pretty strict with it.
Anyway, six months is that make or break point where things are sort of in-between casual and serious. It’s a weird time to announce, “hey my parents are
coming to town and want to take us to dinner.” His parents are from Washington and the one time I’d talked to them before was on Facetime when his mom made a passive-aggressive comment about the purple streak in my hair. But this was going to be for real, no pretending the Wifi is giving out and just hanging up. A whole night with these people. It didn’t help that he starts giving me helpful tips like, don’t mention anything that could lead to politics. Anything can lead to politics! The point is, I was nervous.
On the big night, we are all at the restaurant waiting in the bar and his parents each order a drink. My boyfriend gets a beer and I think, 'thank God, Vodka soda please!' (because it has no carbs). Well we are having our safe, get-to-know-you conversation and everyone gets another round of drinks. Perfect, two vodka sodas is my relaxation combination. I drink it quick as our table opens up and we go to sit. At the table his dad orders a bottle of champagne to celebrate finally getting to meet me, the girl his son has been talking about for six months. I 'm flattered, I have a glass.
And this is where things got blurry. I knew I could drink on keto as long as it didn’t have sugary mixers, but no one told me your tolerance on keto drops so drastically. Two vodkas and a champagne and I had slurred speech, immediately started talking about politics, and how I haven’t been back to church since I was confirmed, and started telling my boyfriend and his parents my plans for our wedding… which haven’t even discussed to this point.
I accidentally got hammered and embarrassed my boyfriend in front of his parents because keto is a booze multiplier!
Read this so you don't make the same mistake when out for cocktails
Have a funny keto story to share? Email us at email@example.com or on our Facebook page and share your funny keto stories with us and the rest of the community.